The End

(The last photo I took of Titan)

You left us on a Thursday at 3:49 pm.  That is the exact moment a part of my heart died and I knew life would never be the same.

The day we first met I also knew my life would never be the same. That day was back in April of 2012.  We first saw your photo online and that cute little face had me falling in love immediately.

I knew we just had to meet you and it didn't take long for me to talk your dad into it.  We drove 2 hours just to meet you.  That same day I had a headache and I was sick for most of the drive up but I didn't want to put our meet off in case someone else also wanted to take you home.  When we got to the house we came into the living room and that is when we first laid eyes on you.  So small and so cute!  Out of your whole litter you were the only one who came and lay a paw on my knee.  You seemed to be saying "Are you ok?"  That moment I knew you and I were ment to be together.

A few short weeks later you were ready to start your journey home with us and you were such a brave boy!

You slept most of the car ride back to your new family.  We were so excited to share you with my parents that we kept it a surprise.  We showed up to the house and I will never forget your dad carrying you into grandma's house and her so happy and shocked she fell to the floor!  There was lots of new cuddles and meetings with your grandpa, aunt, uncle, and new friends over the next few weeks.  Everyone I think fell in love with you the day they met you.  Our new family member.

You were so smart.  Over the years you learned so many things and were always so eager to pick up on new tricks.  Such a show off!  We had lots of silly moments too.  All the squirrels we chased away and the leaf piles you would jump into so I could never rake.  Mom loved snow so much and you were always so eager to make me happy that you learned to love snow too.  But you would never let me make a snowman, you just had to destroy those big snowballs you were so sure were just for you. The day you protected me from the ghosts I will never forget and all the games we would play together especially tug of war because you always won.  All the time spent at cottages with friends and family.

You always loved our walks and especially the dog parks where you were off leash and could always lead us on new adventures or make new friends.  You loved to meet people.  When ever we walked you would always stop to get a pat and a compliment.  It was one of the things I loved most about you, the amount of trust.  I could take you any where and you would be happy and loving with everyone and every animal.  Such a sweet boy.  You had the best temperament and were such a great ambassador for the breed.  We were always able to have amazing adventures with you because of it and even though you were only here for 4 short years we did a lot as a family.

 (All our hiking adventures)

(All the dog park adventures)

 (All the dane-a-thons and being on the news one year)

 (The Woofstock weekends with best friends)

 (The Furry Friends 5k marathons with best friends)

(Road trips)

We loved you so much we even brought home a brother for you.  And what an amazing older brother you were!  You taught Ares so much and helped him feel like part of a real family.  I will forever be thankful for that.  And boy did you guys ever love each other and bond.  There wasn't a day that went by you didn't play and cuddle.  You even shared the couch you loved so much.

My life was was never the same after you came into it.  It was filled with so much love and adventures and laughs.  Thank you for choosing me to be your person, your mom.  I will miss you so much every day and my life will never be the same now that you are gone.  You were a good boy.  I love you.

There will never be another Titan.

The End

Day By Day

It has been just over a month since we first found out Titan has cancer.  A month to try and digest all the information and emotions that come with a diagnosis like this.  We go between moments of being grateful that we have more time to spend with Titan so we are able to make his last days special.  Then we have moments of great sadness because he is such an amazing dog and it just hurts so much to know he won't be in our lives for much longer.  There is anger at how unfair life is and at how we are being forced to go through this now when he is so young.  There is frustration that we are unable to stop what is happening or do anything more for him.  There is acceptance that we are doing the best we can for Titan and knowing that when the time is right we won't let him suffer.  Emotionally and physically we hurt and we are drained.  It is hard to care for a family member who is palliative but something we do out of love.  And the cycle of emotions just keeps going day by day.  To try and not get overwhelmed by all of this we are trying to take things one day at a time and keep as close to a normal schedule for Titan as possible.  Each day starts with his breakfast and medication now.  He gets 4 pills in the morning for pain management throughout the day.  This is usually followed up by a bit of time spent outside smelling around the yard, eating snow if we are lucky enough to have some, still trying to scare the squirrels away, and barking at anyone silly enough to walk on Titan's sidewalk of course.  Titan is getting around well on 3 legs as he no longer is using his sore leg at all.  He just holds it up for the most part and with our help and the harness he is able to get around no problem.  Some days when he feels like he has extra energy Titan tells us he wants to go for a walk by going towards the gate leading to the front yard.  We can't take him far as we feel it's too much for him and his heart condition and he is a lot for us to support as he still weighs a good amount.  He is able to make it around our crescent and up and down a few main streets in the neighbourhood.  He still stops to see any neighbour who is out and willing to offer some pats and he always has a tail wag for them.  That is part of what makes all this so hard, just knowing how sweet and loving this dog is with everyone and how much he loves his "fans" and that he just isn't being given long enough to enjoy all of that.
Our evenings are spent curled up and together, with Ares often right beside him.  Dinner is always something yummy like steak, beef, hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, or pork.  Anything he could want we make sure to have on hand for him.  I think he especially looks forward to dinner time now and even barks at us if we don't cook it just right.  He is being very spoiled.  After dinner we go back out into the yard for one last sniff and to be nosey and peek at the neighbours in the hot tub.  He still likes to keep tabs on what is going on in his area.  Then it is time for bed so we give him his 3 pills for night time and let sleep take over.

(Yummy Mcdonalds for dinner one day)

(Bed time story with dad)

(Mom cuddles to get to sleep)

That has been our routine for the last month, and there hasn't been any changes for better or for worse.  I suppose that is a good thing considering.  The only time Titan whines is when he wants to go out and needs our help, he never seems to be in pain which we monitor very closely.  We keep a diary of our days to make sure we are having more good days then bad days.  We also have a pet quality of life scale to make sure he is still enjoying things.  The website I got this information from and found helped a lot is: lapoflove.com

I have to thank my family and friends for the continued support and for always lending advice and a shoulder to cry on.  I find talking about what is going on and hearing what other people have gone through and how they dealt with it helps me prepare and understand some emotions I have.  A great organization called Live Like Roo Foundation sent us a care package when they heard about Titan's story.  It was filled with toys and treats and money so we could buy him a burger and a vanilla cone to enjoy.  We were so touched by this kindness and it really helped lift everyone's spirits.  They can be found on facebook if you are interested in finding out more about them.  Another facebook site I find helps a lot is iHeartGreatDanes.  There is so many people on there going through the same situation with Danes of all different ages.  We, the owners, are able to share stories and information and knowing you aren't alone in a time like this and that so many people are supporting you makes all the difference.  So thank you everyone for making us feel so loved when we need it most.

 (Opening his gift from Live Like Roo Foundation)

(Spoiled boy!)

More News

(Keeping watch over the house together)

Another day starting with another call to the vet.  This time for an update on how Titan was doing with his tests.  The kind receptionist told us he only had his xrays so far but was doing well.  He even managed to make a new best friend with the office cat and the two were cuddling nicely on the bed of blankets.  His ultrasound was booked for 1pm and things were moving along.  I went to work later that day thinking positive.

As soon as I got to work there was a call from the vet that I missed, so I eagerly called back only to hear that vet who wanted to speak to me was in surgery.  I left my husbands number and although a bit concerned went back to work hoping it was just for an update.  A few hours later I got the call from Mike that the news was not good.  Titan had heart issues.  First, they found a small mass on the heart which was putting slight pressure on it.  The cancer had spread.  They also found an edema and a murmur in his heart as well.  The diagnosis was CHF (Congestive Heart Failure - early onset).  This was causing swelling and therefore we had no chance to move forward with life saving surgery.  As soon as I heard the news I knew he had been though enough and we agreed Titan would just come home and be kept comfortable for his last days surrounded by family.

"Congestive Heart Failure is a chronic progressive condition that affects the pumping power of your heart muscles.  CHF specifically refers to the stage in which fluid builds up around the heart and causes it to pump inefficiently."

"Edema happens when your small blood vessels become "leaky" and realease fluid into nearby tissues.  The extra fluid builds up, which makes the tissue swell.  When the heart weakens and pumps blood less efficiently, fluid can slowly build up, creating edemas."

The next morning we set off to pick him up.  True to all things with Titan this wasn't made easy because we just happened to get a lovely snow storm.  The roads were awful and we passed a few cars in ditches on the way but Mike was determined to bring him home that day so he was driving carefully.  When we finally made it (one hour late) I was feeling sad, of course, about the future but also taking comfort in the fact that he was able to come home with us.  He isn't happy unless he is near his couch, and I knew this time was no exception.  We spoke with the vet about his new pain meds.  Back on the Meloxicam for anti-inflammatory (once every 24 hours), the Tramadol for pain management (once every 12 hours), and now on Gabapentin a nerve blocker to help with pain ( twice every 12 hours).  The vet was very nice and took her time explaining everything to us.  I asked about when we would know the time was right and she said "You know Titan best, you will just be able to tell."  In my heart I know this is true.  We did speak about euthanasia and cremation.  Caven Hills does not normally make house calls but they said because they know Titan so well and all about his case they would make an exception for us.  All together we were looking close to $600 for the procedure and cremation and an urn would be included.   I never thought I would be talking about this kind of information so soon and it still sounds weird talking about it now.  I am also looking into another vet my aunt used when her sweet boy Finn passed.  This vet also comes to the house but helps you determine if you and the pet are actually ready.  This makes me feel a bit more comfortable about the whole process but it will be more expensive.  That phone call is to happen tomorrow when me and my husband are both available.

Finally after all our information was gathered we we able to see Titan.  He came out and again there was tail wags and I even got a cuddle.  I was so happy to just have him in my arms again.  I don't like knowing he isn't close and I know what is to come will just break me.  But like I said, for now we just are enjoying the fact that he is here with us and we cuddled him right up.  He even tried to take himself for a walk around the clinic before we left, he's so determined to show everyone he can do what he isn't suppose to.  The drive home was better and he spent it with his head in my lap for the most part, however this time he seemed to perk up and would try and sit out to see out the window.

Once home we did our usual loop around the yard and Ares walked along beside him tail wagging and lots of sniffing.  The two have bonded so well and I really appreciate them also getting some more time together.  I feel like Ares knows what is happening and he is being so good with Titan, walking with him making sure he's ok and watching over him in the house, making sure he gets cuddles.  We also went out and picked up food for Titan we thought he might like to eat to make sure he was spoiled with meal times.

(Chicken, liver, steak, beef cubes, pizza, and beef liver treats)

(Ares wanting to do everything his big brother does)

(They have each other's back)

When you look up information on this breed everything tells you they have short life spans.  You go into owning a dane knowing that.  You read all the time that the top 3 killers of this breed are bloat, bone cancer, and CHF.  You hope you get that full life span but I have read many people going though the same experience as us, often with danes even younger.   It is a hard breed to fall for, but the years you do get out of them is full of adventure and laughing and happiness and so much love.  They touch the lives of everyone they meet and I've had so many people tell me about lovely memories and share photos.  Titan has left a mark on many hearts and he will be so so missed.   Believe me when I say how worth it owning a dane is.  I would not change a thing.  I just wish we were able to have a few more adventures together and a lot more cuddles.  We will take what we can get for now.

(The best friends hanging out) 

(Giant dogs leave giant paw prints on our hearts)

(Having a moment with his Auntie and listening to her loving words)

(Forever holding paws together, best buds)

We found out....again

(Making sure everyone still knows it's his couch before we head out to the vet)

Today started with a phone call from the vet.  A lady by the name of Audrey who was very kind and is the director of the Caven Hills Vet Clinic.  She took on Titan's case herself and promised the best care possible.  First she got down to business.  Titan did have some sort of bone cancer, 85% bone compromised.  She would like to do tests such as xrays, blood work, ct scan, full heart work up, ultrasound, and bone biopsy.  She told me to talk this over with my husband and to come into the clinic for 9pm tonight.  That was when her shift finished and she would be able to spend whatever time we needed talking to her and getting answers.  She also told us that after everything Titan had been through she would only charge us for his pain meds, not for any tests or for Titan to stay there the few days she would need to get the tests done.  What a relief as this normally costs almost $2000 and we were only going to pay $350.  I agreed and felt better about having some sort of game plan.

Next I had to think about our options.

Option A:  We do the tests and it comes back that the only spot that has any issues is his ankle.  We can amputate.  However, we need to really think about how Titan would get around on 3 legs and if this would give him mobility again.  We wouldn't want to do this and find out Titan continues to just lay on his blankets and not want to do anything.  Also budget, what prices are we looking at as the amputation also comes with chemo treatment as well to insure no spreading of the cancer.  A dog Titan's size, this could get pricey.  

Option B: The cancer has spread to other parts and we just make him comfortable for the last little while.  Not what anyone wants, but we wouldn't want to put him through any more pain or discomfort.  Plus we need to consider quality of life.  

To be honest I don't like either option.  I wish this never happened and we weren't facing such a horrible choice, but here we are.  We need to keep moving forward and think of the best possible future for Titan.  

The day passed quickly as I just spent it napping beside Titan while Ares snored away on the couch beside us.  We had lots of cuddles and we even shared a fortune cookie.  That he would eat!  He took his meds like a good boy and let me feed him his pate.  We went outside for a nice chilly walk around his yard and he made sure to sniff everything.  Then Mike was home and it was time to go back to the vet.  We once again made the long drive to the vet with me and Titan cuddled up in the back, his head resting on my lap the whole way.  He didn't even cry this time.  I told him what was going to happen and started crying and he licked my face and the tears away as if to say "It's ok mom".  When we got there Titan was once again eager to jump out of the van and show everyone how well he moves around on 3 legs.  He even decided to sit on the bench himself this time instead of on dad's lap, such a brave boy. 

When we finally got called in and we met with Audrey she was so understanding and took to Titan right away.  We looked at the xrays and could see how it was missed when we first went into the vet.  There was a small odd spot in the bone that unless pointed out wouldn't be noticed, 6 vets were called in to see if they caught it at first glance and none did.  Then fast forward a month and you can see from this xray how quickly the bone was eaten away.  

(The fuzzy area that looks like it's pushing through the bone is abnormal growth and the cancer we are dealing with)

We went over all our options together and all the info about the tests again.  I really felt confident about doing the tests first to make sure we have all the info in front of us to make a proper decision.  So with that we had to once again hand over the leash (really not easy to do this time) and let Titan go with the vet.  They said after all he's been though they didn't want to keep him in a kennel, so he would be on a bed of blankets in the office where someone will always be around to share their lunches.  I knew right there he would be just fine for a few days.  There was even a tail wag.  

The ride home tonight was hard, both Mike and I had tears in our eyes, but took comfort in knowing we are doing what we can.  We also were given an xray of Titan's heart which I love having.  It's a big heart for a big dog and I'm sure it's full of love.  

So now we wait, with Ares who did go looking for his brother when we got home, and we call the vet in the morning to get an update on the first round of tests.  Keep sending those positive thoughts everyone, they are much appreciated at this time.  

Fourth Week At Home

(Showing off his new dog tag he got for xmas)

I am crying as I write this but this week has been hard.  We have had set backs.  Titan will no longer put weight on the leg and there is swelling again in his hock (ankle) area.  He still won't eat and we are continuing to force feed him.  He doesn't seem interested in his activities any more and just wants to be near us to sleep.
We have to go to the vet.

On Christmas day we ended up calling the vet to make an appointment and were able to come in that night.  Once again the idea of trying to get Titan into a car while he fights us every step of the way was frustrating so thankfully Mike's sister let us use her van again.  I can't thank her enough for this.  We helped Titan get outside and around the front of the house and into the van.  It took two of us to lift him, but he has lost so much weight now that I can actually pick up his back end on my own.  He was 160 lbs and now is at 145 lbs.  I climbed into the back with him and we cuddled on the floor because Titan was scared, and off we went on the long trip to Caven Hills.  I was so nervous, did the metal plates not take?  Has the surgery area collapsed and failed all together?  Is there just an infection we can use antibiotics for?  Has he broken a bone trying to use the leg too fast?  My mind was spinning the whole way there.

When we arrived at the vet Titan was eager to get out of the van and if it wasn't for Mike being there to catch him he would of jumped right down.  He hopped on three legs into the clinic and didn't fight us.  He even stopped to sniff everything on the way like he was on a walk.  And then we waited for our turn, Titan sitting on dad's lap and being a good boy.

The vet came and called us in, a different vet again, and right away noticed how Titan wouldn't use the leg.  His first thought was failed surgery.  He felt is leg and noticed a swollen lymph node.  He told us he was worried about maybe an infection but we should do xrays to be sure.  Of course we agreed and once again I had to hand that leash over and watch Titan walk down that hallway with the vet.  It makes me sad every time, but he goes like a brave boy.  So back to the waiting room to wait....and wait...and wait some more.  It seems like forever when your mind is spinning with questions.  Finally our names were called in.  We had just gotten in the room when the vet met our eyes and said two very scary words.  Bone Cancer.  I felt like I got slapped in the face and my heart just stopped.  I think we were both in shock, how could this happen?  His last scans had been fine and it's only just been a month.  The vet said that the last xrays were looking at his knee and not lower down so it wasn't seen.  Well why didn't they look at the whole leg I wanted to shout.  The vet said that he saw lesions in the leg that he thinks might be bone cancer but it wasn't your typical star burst pattern.  He would take extra xrays and send them to Titan's Radiologist to get a for sure answer as to what is going on.  The vet also told us that he would not sedate Titan this time as he discovered a heart murmur, small but there, perhaps brought on by all the stress of the last month.  At this point I just wanted to fall to the floor, my sweet boy in a matter of a month had the worst possible outcome.

We went back to the waiting room and waited for Titan to come out.  Another long wait.  When he finally came out those doors and saw us that tail started wagging and he was so happy to see us.  He is such a good boy and I think he knew he wouldn't have to stay there.  We were given two different types of pain meds for Titan to take.  Meloxicam (once daily) and Tramadol (once every 8-12 hours). The drugs make Titan drowsy but he isn't in any pain.

The whole ride home Titan just rested on my lap like the first time we brought him home.  We just cuddled and the ride was very quiet, both Mike and I lost in thoughts of worry.  Once home Titan again got out of the car eagerly and made it into the backyard and up his ramp to his nice warm bed.  All that activity made him exhausted and he went right to sleep while we sat with him for the night.

The next day I woke up and went right into researching again.  The different websites I looked at are:

http://www.petmd.com/dog/conditions/musculoskeletal/c_multi_osteosarcoma

http://wearethecure.org/learn-more-about-canince-cancer/canine-cancer-library/osteosarcoma/

http://www.akcchf.org/canine-health/your-dogs-health/bone-cancer-in-dogs.html?referrer=https://www.google.ca/

http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?c=2+2087&aid=465

Every website basically tells you about bone cancer (osteosarcomas), what may have caused it, how to treat it, and about quality of life.  I knew before we bought Titan home that large breed dogs are prone to bone cancer, especially Great Danes who are often referred to as the Heartbreak Breed.  It's something that was always in the back of my mind but that stupid small part of you always says "it won't happen to me, my dog is too young."  Well after reading some of the causes a sentence caught my eye.

"Some studies have shown a slight increase in the development of osteoscarcoma among dogs that have experienced a blunt bone injury."

Titan just had his knee surgery that removed some of the bone, did that set this chain of events into motion?  And when I read further, if this is bone cancer, most websites say the best option is amputation.  After everything we just did and paid for are we looking at amputation?  Quality of life after is about a year, rare cases maybe longer.  I am devastated.  Heartbroken.  I keep going between "Maybe it's good we got the surgery and then saw this and were able to catch the bone cancer early" to "Maybe we should of never got the surgery at all and Titan would be ok, is this our fault?"

Right now all we can do is prepare ourselves for the worst case scenario and wait for the vet to call us in a few days with the results. Until then Titan is resting in his bed of blankets and getting lots of love and attention.  We are happy to know that the knee and surgery are itself healed properly and we did everything right with his recovery.  If it wasn't for the swelling of the hock area he would most likely be using the leg now.  I am hoping with all my heart that this isn't bone cancer and that we can have Titan back to normal again soon.  Our very special boy.

Titan's leg week 4:

 (The area that is swelling and our concern now)